Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
