I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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