I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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