You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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