I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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