my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
