I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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