Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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