Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
