Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i out mim tonsoeep
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
