TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
