There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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