He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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