3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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