Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
