Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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