Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
