I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
