I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Less talking, more tequila
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
