So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
