dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
