I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
