I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
