I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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