I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
