Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
