I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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