But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
