I hate your face
Yo dont text me then not text me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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