we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
