Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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