He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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