To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
