he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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