AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
