Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
