wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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