haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
