He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
