Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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