Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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