Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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