Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
