i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
