I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
