idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
