he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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