After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
