rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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