Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
