He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
