I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
