At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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