eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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