Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
