You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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