The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP