You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
