he wants to bone in the snuggie
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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