I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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