I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
