By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
