the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
