The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
