i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
