yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
